Wow — I have survived 4 weeks. I am posting this blog a day late. It has been a hard week.
After a reasonably optimistic and positive third week, I have slipped back this week. I am feeling really low and really need to see my babies. Sometimes my arms feel so empty and a teddy is just not the same. I don’t really know what has triggered this downfall in my mood this week, maybe reality has set in and I am having to accept a bit more, that this is my life now. This is something that is hard to come to terms with. It would be nice to get away and have a break. . Sometimes a sea view and some sun can really help. I had originally planned to book a lovely holiday to ease me into the first few weeks of my empty nest, but due to the current pandemic situation that was not possible. Maybe just a few days away in the UK now would be a good thing. No sun but I could try for a sea view.
The new job search has been put into motion. There is not much being advertised at the moment and I haven’t seen anything that I would like to apply for in my local area. There is one job that I have found quite interesting but it is a drive of over an hour away and so I don’t think that would work. I wondered whether they would consider someone working from home but they were not that keen. I hope something similar becomes available near where I currently live. Something else that has been playing on my mind, now I have more time to think, is my pension. I haven’t really given it much thought as I have been bringing up my children and have always thought I was too young to worry about that. I now need to think about how much money I am going to need in my later years and what I need to do to make sure I have enough to enjoy my retirement. I have a good private pension with my current job but only working part time and only having been there 5 years means I have only a part time pension. I know I need professional advice and need to seek out help with this. A call to citizen advice has been added to my to-do list next week.
My low mood this week has heightened my anxiety and this has not helped my intention to move more and eat less. The weather has also turned from summer to autumn and the last few days it has rained non-stop. This has not helped my motivation either. Crumble and custard has been calling a few evenings this week. I know it is vicious circle as exercise may help me feel better in so many ways but it is getting the motivation that I find so difficult when all I want to do is bury my head under my pillow and have a really good cry.
I am hoping that my youngest baby is coming home for a few days in half term. I really hope that is the case and I feel myself getting excited about that already. Hopefully only two more weekends until then. I haven’t actually touched her bedroom since she left, just could not face it, and so that is something that I need to do. Wash the duvet, hoover, dust and give the room a really good autumn clean.
I hope I can get my motivation and smile back soon and feel a bit happier — roll on week 5
